Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A hard thing...

This is hard for me to talk about. I've Been putting it off because I didn't want Anyone to feel bad or hurt. But I now feel its time for me to talk about it, because it's not helping me to keep all my feelings bottled up. It only makes it worse, and much harder the longer I wait.

If you've noticed one of our tickers above you can see that we have already started TTC #2. Its not that we don't Love our precious sweet baby girl, or that we are not thankful because we are more Thankful for her than words can describe, and she makes us unbelievably Happy! She brings such a Great Joy into our lives each and every day:)

I also feel a terrible sadness for many others that are still TTC their 1st:,(Sometimes I feel Guilty that we already have one little miracle, and are trying for another. But I have to remind myself that "IT'S OK" to want more children. In fact its Normal for most people to want more than 1 child unless they wanted an only child. I've always wanted a large family, always dreamed of having 4 kids pretty close in age. But Infertility has put a huge ???? if that will ever happen for us.

The Longing for more children has not went away for me. While I was pregnant I sometimes thought about what all we might have to go through to Conceive again. And After I had Our Sweet girl, we knew we wanted siblings for her. No Questions in our mind about that, it is a Fact. Having her and watching her grow so fast has made the desire even worse, because I know what it will probably take for us to become pregnant again, and I worry about a very long struggle with wondering if it will happen again. We're STILL Infertile:( And I feel an Urgency to Try asap because we have 3 precious little frozen babies just waiting, and I'm not comfortable leaving them frozen for very long. I feel alone sometimes, and don't see many people who had their 1st via IVF and are trying for #2. I've seen a few, but not many.

We had a Consult Appt. with our RE on August 31st. (Our Baby girl would be 12weeks the next day) We were there to discuss baby #2 of Course. IT WENT GREAT!!! We Discussed FET, and he broke it all down for us. Although I can't remember it all, but that's OK my Nurse will give me a schedule when it comes time and explain and answer any of my questions. I did not Breast feed at all So that is not an Issue for us. If all goes good with the Pre Testing He has given us the GO Ahead with a January FET:) Just what I wanted too! He said to Call with My Dec. Period and we'd get things started. My Worries Now are- If my uterus looks good?? And If AF will Corporate?!?! having PCOS really gives me issues sometimes...grr. However he did say if I needed Something to make me start just to call and that would not be a problem.

He Had allot of Pictures of our Embryo's at each day. We have 3 Snow Babies:) I found out they were frozen single/ one in each straw. Which is Great!!! Gives them more control about the amount transferred. He said- All 3 were Great Looking Embryo's!!! And when he showed us those pictures My Heart skipped a beat!! I Love them all!! I'm Hoping and Praying with all My heart all My sweet babies make it through the thaw, and stick! Can't help but hope that we get to transfer the 1st 2 snow babies, and it takes. And then we would have 1 little snow baby waiting and that could be our 3rd or 4th child. I know that's not likely to happen, but I must try to keep hoping for the best. And to NEVER GIVE UP!! That and with God's help of course is what got us through the 1st time.

Sorry this is SO LONG. I do feel better now. This is a sign that I need my "Blogging Therapy" again. Because I can say truthfully that my blogger friends truly did help me though the hard times and the good times too. Missing it allot.

Take care all of you!! Wishing you all Happiness and Lots of BFP's!
Baby dust Pictures, Images and Photos

TTC2 Pictures, Images and Photos


my name Pictures, Images and Photos

7 comments:

  1. Delurking: we had our first baby 13 months ago via IVF...we have 5 snow babies and are awaiting a NOV. FET! I got lucky my first go around with the IVF, I'm freaking out it won't be so easy this time around. I'm just going with the flow.

    In regards to regulating: could you go on b.c to regulate your cycle? At least that way you'll know AF will show up in Dec.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My daughter had many problems getting a pregnancy to stick (3 miscarriages due to MTHFR) Was put on blood thinner shots this last pregnancy and now has a miracle who is 7 mos. old. She started trying again when the baby was only 4 months old! So you are definitely not alone in your desire for more children close together! While she hasn't been successful yet....in time, I'm sure it will be in the cards for them again. Baby dust to you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm not sure if I've ever de-luked or not but...
    1) congrats on your baby girl. She is too precious!
    2) We suffer from infertility too and I can totally understand wanting more and yet having those guilty feelings for having one while others are still trying so hard to conceive. We are truly blessed. My son is almost three and we have yet to bless him with a sibling, but we'll continue to try :) I wish you all the best in your journey and truly hope everything goes well and you have a new baby in your arms soon!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I know I posted a congratulations comment when you got pregnant with your sweet Dassah, but I've been lurking sort of ever since. I had to say something this post though, because I want you to know you are NOT alone, and your post helped ME to feel less alone, too. I'm nursing, but got my period 6 weeks pp. Then when my period didn't show again a month later I panicked, but also got really really excited. Crazy as it was, I thought it'd just be a beautiful miracle if I could have "Irish Twins" as they'd have been called. I wasn't pregnant then, and was surprised by how devastated I felt, and how, in the course of a week I could all of a sudden miss being pregnant SO much, and all of a sudden be ready to try again. I have a SIL who can't have kids, and I feel so very selfish, wanting another, and yet I can't change that yearning. I think it's part of being a woman, and definitely a part of infertility, that the yearning never leaves you.

    My DS is 9 months now, and I've just started temping and using OPK's for the first time, and I find it stressful, especially when I discovered that I have a short luteal phase. I'm hoping and praying it's because I'm still BF'ing, but now there is so much uncertainty. Until today, I felt like no-one would get it, trying again so soon, welcoming babies so close in age if it meant I could do it again and not waste time. I can't tell you what a relief it is to me to know that someone else out there feels the same way, is yearning and trying too.

    I'm praying for you on your journey to #2, and hope we BOTH get out miracle BFP's soon!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey! I know we have talked before, but I am not sure if you remember my story. We had a failed IVF attempt in July 2007. Then in August 2008 we had a successful FET. We plan to do a FET in January 2011, when our daughter will be 20 months old. We have 13 frozen embryo babies that are just waiting for us. :) If you ever need to talk, send me a message. I know it's all very stressful and hard sometimes when no one can really understand what you are going through. I also wrote a lot on my blog about our FET and everything we went through. :) GOOD LUCK!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I read this forever ago from my phone while burping my baby (hence no comment), but came back to say good luck with your FET in January. It is so awkward to talk about wanting #2 when much of your audience still longs for #1. We just had our first after 4.5 years TTC; and while we're not TTC again yet, the feeling of urgency is definitely present. Good luck!!

    ReplyDelete