Tuesday, June 16, 2009

IUI... BFN

OK I caved and POAS twice the last 2 mornings.. BOTH times it was a BFN..but could have been to early to tell. Yesterday I started spotting through out the day.. by last night it turn into FULL Flo bleeding.. AF has arrived and IUI #1 is a BFN. Don't feel too sorry for me though:) I knew the whole time our odds of IUI working for us. With my Hubby's Motility problem.. WE NEED ICSI!!!

I called my IVF nurse this morning and left her a message asking her.... If I still need to come in tomorrow morning for my Beta or not?? And I also asked her.... How SOON can we start a new IVF cycle??

I got a call back about 2 hours later.. AND Thankfully I do not have to come in tomorrow for my scheduled Beta.. It would have been a waste of time... and a phone call telling me what I already know.lol

Ok.. even better NEWS!!! My Wonderful Dr. is going to let me Jump right back into IVF!!! YAY!!! I will start Birth Control Pills TOMORROW!!! And We are Now scheduled for IVF the week of July 20th!!! This its GREAT!!! I am very happy about this... Now I can put my focus on this new Goal:)

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Yesterday was my husbands 25th Birthday.. and he was/is at work(off shore/oil field) and I had to tell him that I started my period and that the IUI didn't work:( I could tell he was disappointed.. he had believed that this IUI thing could work more than me.. He is too sweet!!!
Anyway we talk at lot on IM on the computer last night... He says that he's with me to the End...
NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES:) And we Both have Faith and believe that God has a plan for us.. and that he does want us to have children in his perfect timing. WE don't know why God has allowed us to go through this BUT we believe it is for a Reason.. even though we don't know what that reason is or even understand it.

Last night we also discussed adoption again... WE have never been against adopting... If God wants us to adopt we will... If God wants us to have BOTH Biological Children and Adopted... WE are completely OK with that too.. WE Would LOVE them the SAME!!!! And My husband agrees with me completely on this!!! I don't know what God has planned for us YET!!! But we are praying for His Will in our lives and for him to send us the children that he wants us to have:) If we ever do adopt we want to be in Gods will.. and for him to send us the baby that is meant to be ours... Adoption is a scary thing in many ways.. But if you truly want something you should "Never give up".

I don't know much about adoption.. but last night I did a little research on the computer and I'm interested in "Bethany Christian Services". WE know nothing about adoption and don't know for sure When or if we will ever adopt.. BUT I still feel I need to educate Myself about it.. Because YES adoption could be in our future:)
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I also want to say before I end this POST that My husband is SO GOOD to me... And he understands me... and supports me completely.. He is my Best Friend!!! And While we were talking last night... I swear I felt Like I was falling in Love with the Man all over AGAIN!!LOL

I am abundantly Blessed.. And I'm SO thankful!!!

I hope you all have a Great day!! I'm praying for you ALL!!!


HANNAH


ON MY WAY to OUR....."2nd attempt" of our 1st IVF/ICSI Cycle...lol thats a mouth full to say...

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

1 WW

1 week wait Pictures, Images and Photos

AND

Hope Sig2 Pictures, Images and Photos

Hope..... It is very hard for me to hope... To have hope that this could work... The odds are not good at all... Although I still can't help but Hope a little... I want a baby so bad.. I'm sure you all can understand this... My emotions are Crazy right now.HA!

I've only had one really bad day... a few days ago I found out someone I know personally in my life is preggo... My reaction to this news took me by surprise.... I didn't take it well.. yes I was happy for them but.... It was like Déjà vu.... I had felt these same horrible feelings before..... BUT honestly it hasn't been this bad in over a year.... I was so upset.... upset that others can get pregnant so easily when they want to, and yet here I am... It's just not fair... And there's nothing I can do about it:( Oh, and my hubby wasn't home... and I also was upset..sad...crazy acting.. n ANGRY... YA some of my family members had to deal with that:( I think I cried for 2 or 3 hours... not good. Like I said before my whole reaction to this surprised me.. because I haven't felt it in a long time... I'm over it now and my family loves me and understands my craziness.ha
What would I do with out them!? I don't want to find out...

SO I don't know if I can bring myself to be able to do a HPT before my Beta... YA.. I haven't took one in over 1 year and a half... I 've never been addicted to POAS.. Because it just upset me too much.. and it felt like I was failing... I don't deal well with disappointment and failure... Not ever good a thing especially when dealing with "Infertility"!!! My hubby did send me a very sweet email that made me feel really good a few days ago... He is way more Positive about this whole IUI thing than me... I wish I could be too...

I just wish I knew something right now... That way if it doesn't work I can go straight into planning/ scheduling our 2nd attempt at our 1st IVF w/ ICSI cycle.... I don't want to wait around if I don't have too... I think it would be best for me to jump right back into things as soon as a can.. that way I will have something new to focus on... and hope far...

Anyone out there who prays... please pray for me and my husband... we need it:) thanks
I'm praying for you all...

Sorry that I'm not in a great mood.. I just want a baby and this whole process is hard...

Hope you all have a blessed day!!!


HANNAH

Thursday, June 4, 2009

IUI

ttc Pictures, Images and Photos
go spermie go Pictures, Images and Photos
Yesterday was my 1st IUI... It was so Quick and easy... NO big deal.lol to me anyway.
My mom came with me because DH was at work. The worst Part of IUI for me was Waiting for several minutes afterward with my hips up and having to pee really BAD!!! It got so bad that I started shaking and my mom had to step out of the room to tell the nurse... They let me up a few minutes early.. SO that was good they said I had been there long enough and that it wouldn't matter. SO I got dressed in a hurry and headed to the rest room!!!lol

I was glad to see my DR. again... he's to funny sometimes... While he was doing my IUI he says to me... your CM looks beautiful.. I said.. REALLY?! I though it was weird.lol

And He also told me to... Get really SICK right before he left:) (Implying pregnancy symptoms)

yesterday both of ovaries felt swollen and sore... and had some cramping

Last night I slept pretty good.. except for the pain on my right side.. this is the side with with the 2 large eggs... And it wasn't fun having to wake up to pee 2 or 3 times last night either...

This morning my right side is still cramping... I think its from ovulation... Because Of that shot I took Tuesday night to boost ovulation..

SO all in all.. everything is going well:)

If this doesn't work... I'll just schedule another IVF/ICSI and this time we'll have to try a higher dose because my ovaries are so stubborn.lol NO surprise to me!!!

Oh ya.. I almost forgot I took care of the "caremark" issue yesterday.. every thing is great!!
And yesterday a nurse called me in some suppository Progesterone to a near by Pharmacy... That way I don't have to get shots in my behind!LOL That was nice of her... She said that they usually don't do the shot kind with IUI... I was relieved.. NO more shots for 2 weeks!! YAY!!!
I start the progesterone today.

Hope you all have a great week!!!


HANNAH


2 Week Wait Pictures, Images and Photos

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

5th Follie Check.... and a slight change in plans....

So today was my 5th Follie Check... My apt. was at 1:30pm so that was good because we didn't have to be in such a rush to get ready:) When we got to the clinic parking lot.. I looked at my cell phone then seen that I had a missed call from..."CAREMARK" pharmacy!!! I didn't have time to call them back right then so I decided to call them back after my apt. (can't stand "caremark")

Anyway we then headed into the clinic.. I signed in and they took my blood for the umpteenth time.lol Then took me to a room for my ultra sound... I felt pretty calm considering everything..
It had to be God.. no doubt!

My IVF nurse came in and started the ultra sound.... My lining looked good:)

Right ovary- remember I had 2 larger ones on this side.. Well they grew.. 1 was 21 & the other was at 19 I think... Not bad

Left ovary- not much growth if any... largest one was like 11...

SO.................. 2 good eggs BUT like the my Nurse said to me the Dr. might not want to do a Retrieval with only 2 eggs.... I understand that completely.... so then basically I had to wait to get a call from her after she talk to the Dr.
'
well... when me and my hubby got into My JEEP to leave the clinic.. I named him "Jackson";) my 21st b-day present from DH last yr. I called Caremark Back... I just knew they would RUIN my Day when I seen that dumb number on my phone!!! Sorry... can't help myself..lol

yes there was a problem... they said that the card that I used for my meds. was declined.. I got off the phone with them and to call my mama (it was her card). She called her Bank and they said that there shouldn't be a problem.. She gave me the card info again and long sorry short... I gave them the info again.........................
declined AGAIN!!! So I get off the phone freaking out crying to my husband... Whats wrong what do I do..RIGHT? I have to get this payed... What if I need more MEDs called in today?! these are just a few things running through my already stress brain.
Whats more frustrating is... I KNOW for a fact that there shouldn't have been a problem with my MAMAs card... I don't know how to put this with out sounding badly to someone(but I hope not)... Lets see my PARENTS were/are VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY BLESSED!!! and my daddy made ALLOT of money before he passed away... way above average.. and he passed away in a horrible accident off the coast of Africa... Therefore.. even after death.... My family is fanatically set.. God is looking out for my Family!! and we know it!!! Even though it is hard sometimes with out him(DADDY).
We all would gladly take him back and live on dirt floors for the rest of our lives!!! :) / :( I miss him so MUCH!!!

Ok I got a little off subject... My mom found out what was Wrong with the dumb card...
this in particular "Bank chain" has shut down all of their ATM cards because of some Huge fraud in CA. And they don't plan on reactivating any of them until the matter is settled... Well.. that's just great!! HA!

it will be ok tomorrow.. Dear sweet mama will activate another card from another Bank account. (different Bank chain) And if all else fails we could always get the address from them and send a check in the mail.. HUGE SIGH!!! I can breath again!!! I tend to get way too stressed out about things... I need help!!
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Now for what you've all been waiting for...THE PHONE CALL!!!

I braced myself a little before answering... it was my Nurse.. She sounded a little cautious She said that my DR. didn't want to do a Retrieval with only 2 eggs.. that he at least wanted 4.... BUT that he didn't want me to cancel completely.... since I have 2 good eggs.... he wants me to come in tomorrow for a IUI!!! Crazy!! I've never had one... the chances of this working are probably not that good because of my hubby's sperm... BUT hey!! At least I can feel like we actually tried something.. and that there is a chance!!! Not to mention not letting all those injections go to waste.LOL!!!

SO... hubby is leaving for work tonight:( And my 1st IUI is scheduled for tomorrow at 3:45pm.
I'll be ok though my wonderful mama will be there for me:)

I triggered tonight... if this does not work the next step will be IVF/ICSI of course with a new plan.. different MEDs/doses... EX.

Well It's LATE... and I'm SO SO tired!!! I've had a long day today.. but I feel better now that I got the chance to tell you all about it:) GET off my chest you know??
please continue to keep me in your prayers.... Hoping that this may work!!! miracles still happen!!

Praying for you all..
good night and God bless!!!


HANNAH