Sunday, December 28, 2008

What I've been through so far...

Hi Everyone, we got married on March 3, 2007. I was 19 and he was 22 at the time. We decided that we wanted to have kids right away! I know this sounds crazy to most people, but that's what I've always wanted was to get married and have kids. And we had been together for 5 1/2 yrs before we got married. We met a church whe nI was 14 and he was 17.lol We both knew each other very well, after that amount of time.lol Well of course it didn't happen for us. When I started my period that first time after trying, I got in the tub, and cried. It was pitiful I know, but I was disappointed. And feared already that something might be wrong with me. As the months went by still "NOTHING". And Its so Happened that about 8 people that I knew personally was pregnant by then, as you know if you've ever been in a situation like ours, it can be very painful to see pregnant people & babies Most of the time. I started to research, of course and read up on fertility, I started charting in the Fall of 07, getting prepared for my first Dr. apt. with my obgyn. I went in late Feb. almost a year we had been trying so far. I was so nervous because I'm so so shy..lol I decided to start blogging because I think it will be therapeutic for me, and hopefully help someone else. She ordered blood work & referred me to a Urologist, because I was having all kinds of crazy symptoms like- pain during urination, pain during sex, feeling terrible pain in my entire lower abdomen, leg cramps, nausea, you name it, I had it..lol But Anyway I found out what was wrong with me concerning that. I have "IC" And NO it is not a sexual disease..lol it is a bladder disease that they don't know the cause of, they have no cure for it unfortunately:( Basically my bladder gets irritated by lots of food and drinks and the bladder wall gets raw like, and causes all that pain. They do have 1 drug for it, but the Dr. said I couldn't take it if I was TTC. But thankfully there was this surgery I could get done where he filled my bladder with water and stretched it so it would barley crack on the inside, so I could naturally grow A new lining. I had the surgery the next day. And it was worth it!!:) All though I may have to do it again if it gets out of hand again. Well after I got that done I did the blood work to see if I was ovulating, and then I got A letter in the mail from my obgyn that said... I was not ovulating, and to come see her to discuss trying clomid. I was excited!! a ray of hope.. now I might Have found out what was wrong. A week before going into see her, my husband did his first SA and I didn't call, and a letter never came with the results. I arrived at her office later that week and she asked me if I got both letters and I said no. Well the good news was about me, but the unfortunate news was that my husband had a low sperm count.:( So it would be a waste of time and money to try drugs alone. She told me then That she would order another SA, but if it was still low he would need to see a urologist. Then she said if it wasn't good "that I didn't need to come back", "that she couldn't help me". Which was the truth, but she shouldn't have said it like that, she should of talked to me about all the options I could do if we couldn't fix the problem. And On top of that I was too upset to think about it at the time, but she made the comment that maybe my HUSBAND hid the results from me.. IS SHE CRAZY!! And then I was looking at my Dr. receipts where she had written IC? which I had and "PCOS?" Well if I had that, which I believe I do, she should of did a ultrasound to find out. Which she didn't, and she didn't even discuss with me anything about that I might have it. RAH!! She is NOT a very good Dr. ... Well my husband seen the urologist and he ordered a few more SA, and checked him out, he had some kind of infection but the doc didn't know what caused it, so he put him on antibiotics. It helped a little but not very much it increased by 3 million but still wasn't enough, he now had about a 5 million sperm count. The Dr. couldn't find a cause so he transferred him to a fertility clinic in New Orleans, they said it was the closest they new of. We're from south MS, and that is at least a 3 hr drive!! So I got on the computer and did some researching, and low and behold, I found a clinic in Mobile, AL which is about a 45 min drive at MOST. SO he canceled his apt. and then we was going to schedule one "soon" with the other clinic........ time went by.. I kept making excuses like we need to save money our insurance won't cover it. But honestly I slowly starting to seep into a deep depression over it all, I was so "over whelmed", I felt like why God why would you do this to me, and at one point I got angry with God, and even though I was angry I felt guilty for feeling that way. I know now that God knows, and understands how we feel, EVEN if we get angry with him. After a few really hard months, I was slowly coming out of feeling so bad. And started planing on going to an RE, at least by 2009. Well in Oct, this year my daddy died in a tragic accident and my family is going through the trail of our lives... But through God we're all doing very good considering all. I'll have to tell you about that in another blog.lol I'm carrying ON and ON already.lol Well.... we now have our first apt. with the RE on JAN. 13, 2009, yeah!! Right before my husband goes back offshore.. he works 2 weeks in and 2 weeks out. so that is not a good thing either when dealing with infertility, We both think it would be best if we tried IVF, for one reason he's not home all the time, and he can't come home from work for just anything, he has to be sick, or a death in the family. He could get some one to work over a week on his shift though if need be, and then stay out there and extra week the next time, If he needs to be at home. But he can't afford to do so, all the time. Please keep us in your prayers we need it. Thanks for listening.. May god bless you all!!

3 comments:

  1. i wish you the best of luck in this journey. a lot of what you wrote about i can totally relate to. infertility is such a rollercoaster of emotions! i am fortunate that i had a good outcome and hope the best for you too. i am glad you have an appt with the re. they are used to this and will tell you the best path to take! i am sorry about your dad. i lost mine a few years ago-right in the midst of my infertility too. he never got to meet my son! i hope that 2009 is a very happy new year for you!

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  2. I comepletely understand about your dad never getting to meet your children. Mine was a great man. My mom said he that they'd be walking in store past baby stuff & he would say... I'm gonna get my grand baby, this and this..lol At one point this summer when I was feeling down. Mom said that she was talking to him and that he felt bad for me, and he told her that he didn't want to bother me, but for her to tell me.. Just to Remember "THEIR STORY". Lets jus say I was their mirical baby!! But at the time I was so fustrated I didn't want to hear "again" How God had helped them, and in my mind (at the time).I felt that he wasn't helping me a drop. But "Now that memory is precious". I'll be posting a blog about my parents story soon. "And about my dad". It is very heart wrenching.. God bless you, have a great new year!!

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  3. I wish you the best of luck! We went through sooo much before getting pregnant, and it was extremly difficult to watch people that were close to me getting pregnant when I was just stuck on the side-lines. Just have faith, and trust in God... he will provide for you! It may take time, but in the end it is entirely worth it! I wouldn't trade everything we went through to get to this point for anything.... it has honestly made me a stronger person, and it has also made me treasure my pregnancy even more.

    Never give up faith or hope (I know it's easier said than done). I had moments where I was down, but I always knew that God was right there beside me and he would get me through anything and everything we were going through, and I would come out on the other side of it, a better and stronger person!

    Anyways, GOOD LUCK! I will keep up with your blog! I know that some time in the future, you will have an amazing miracle baby that I will be reading about!

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